10 Pitches I Had For Emmy Winning Shows That Got Me Kicked Out Of Their Writer’s Room

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THIS IS US

Jack and Rebecca finally triumph when they’re allowed to legally adopt the 84-year-old man who’s always watching softcore porn on the computers at their local libraries.

THE HANDMAID’S TALE

Offred gives birth to the Eraserhead baby.

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

A special episode where the cast and crew publicly assassinate Lorne Michaels for his crimes against humanity. Maroon 5 musical guests.

VEEP

Selina and the crew get to meet—get this—the CHEETO in CHIEF. This is good political commentary.

THE MARVELOUS MRS. MAISEL

Miriam must choose between her husband and a bowl of soup when a vendor dubbed “The Soup Nazi” refuses to serve him. What do you mean Seinfeld already did it?

BIG LITTLE LIES

The girls get to meet—and stay with me on this one—the ORANGE MAN in THE WHITE HOUSE. This is even better political commentary.

THE AMERICANS

Ok, so Roger the alien and Francine have to—what? This isn’t the American Dad! writer’s room?

GAME OF THRONES

After a red wedding-esque event where everyone dies, a new cast of characters emerges to deal with all the drama and trials of high school. Also it’s set in Canada and called Degrassi.

BARRY

Barry spends a frustrating hour trying to upload his headshots to a Squarespace-hosted website.

RICK AND MORTY

Just a black screen for 21 minutes. This is better than the actual show.

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