It’s late February, which means we are running out of time to watch movies at noon without remorse. Pretty soon it’ll be warm and people will be doing things, and we’ll have to pretend to want to do things too. In celebration of late cuffing season, here are some of my favorite Netflix and Kanopy (free for Miami students) picks. And not 100 of them. I’m not Collider.
All six choices are hand-picked by vibe check. So, wake up at 11:30 am, check your vibe, and watch a movie till 2.
Vibe: My mom was a dancer. I like art. I know who Timothy Chalamet is and I saw a few of the 2019 Best Picture Nominees. “Yo have you seen The Farewell? Got snubbed.”
Movie: Frances Ha (Netflix)
Description: Greta Gerwig plays a late twenty-something named Frances who just wants to do ballet in an expensive city. It’s great, because you can watch Frances give living in New York her all, and being near the poverty line her all, and having to move back in with her parents for a stint her all, without having to experience it yourself yet. Also Kylo Ren wears a hat.
Vibe: Parasite, man. I mean, fuckin’ Parasite, man. Four Oscars. Just wow, I mean what a moment. I feel…okay, call me crazy, but I feel so lucky—blessed, even—to be alive in this timeline. In conclusion: we did it, way to go guys.
Movie: Train to Busan (Netflix)Description: A Korean flick that mashes the tight-knit action of Snowpiercer with the genre horror of The Walking Dead, this movie will hate you as much as everyone hates Gong Yoo. Yoo, a businessman, has to take his daughter to his wife via train, but oh boy you can bet your Adobe Photoshop Tutorial that it’s just not that easy.
Vibe: Hey Google, when does John Wick 4 come out?
Movie: Old Boy [2003 Korean original] (Kanopy)
Description: They put Keanu Reeves in a box for 15 years; for so long that his wife dies and his daughter disappears. Then, they give Keanu knuckles so callused he can punch through brick walls. Then, they give it an O. Henry twist. Trust me on this, Old Boy is all of this, but with Choi Min-sik as Keanu. And if you don’t want to watch a movie with subtitles, you can go stand in front of your local Redbox until Keanu reappears (but it might take 15 cramped years).
Vibe: Shit dad is picking the movie.
Movie: Blue Ruin (Netflix)
Description: The greatest dad movie you won’t hate, not even a little. A homeless man named Dwight is the big sad, so he pulls a bit of the ol’ Ultra Violence to put the spring back in his step. But people don’t like it when you kill their family, so a Starbucks line of rednecks go after Dwight. It’s great, like it’s actually super good. Sell it right to Dad and you might have yourself a less tense weeknight at home.
Vibe: I tend to like Black Mirror episodes, IPAs, paying off my credit card debt with new credit cards, Bang Energy Drinks, and constantly rewiring the garbage disposal so I never know which light switch is the spooky one.
Movie: Dogtooth (Kanopy)
Description: The least fratty Greek movie you’ll watch in college, Dogtooth eats the faint of heart. In a “Honey I Fucked the Kids” plotline, a couple spends their days rigorously training their three adult children for the dangers of the outside world. The “kids” are not exposed to life outside their secluded, Over-The-Hedge-wrapped home, resulting in a trio of uber-weird kids. It’s super damn creepy, but also a bit puzzling, making it hard to turn away from.
Vibe: My partner goes to OSU and I’m visiting them this weekend but I ran out of podcasts. The State Patrol said if I play Snapchat Tennis while driving one more time they’ll tell my partner that I compared the domestic success of Miami’s hockey program to the national awareness of Buckeye football.
Movie: Locke (Netflix)
Description: Tom Hardy makes phone calls for an hour and 25 minutes. This movie has so little going visually you could enjoy it like a podcast. Despite this, Hardy’s mouth gives a riveting performance as he discusses concrete, hot ugly ladies, sausages with his boys, and whether or not Donal can have another cider tonight.