Lately, I have felt uninspired. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve attempted to write something new only to type a few words, cross them out, type a few more, cross them out, and stare at my reflection on the blank page. The cursor blinking, blinking, blinking—almost mocking my inability to find the words to properly articulate the thoughts in my mind.
I blamed these mental lapses on my “busy schedule,” but I can think of a number of times I have passed up the opportunity to put pen to paper. After using every excuse in the book, I officially diagnosed myself with a common ailment that several people in the industry experience: writer’s block (and maybe a bit of laziness mixed in there, as well.)
So I decided to step away, clear my mind, and wait until an idea magically emerged; my next story would be more of a revelation than anything else.
This cycle continued for a couple of weeks. I would push off the work that needed to be done in hopes that an idea would strike. Then, by the grace of the Spotify gods, I found it, or it found me — or the CIA agent in my phone knew it was time for a new project.
The song “I Don’t Wanna Feel No More,” by reggie perfectly blends sorrow and optimism, the two balancing each other for the duration of the three-minute track. The up-and-coming songbird from Houston is known for his soft-spoken R&B delivery, but his words have never cut so deep just to patch you back up in the end as they do in this song.
The song greets you with a few soft guitar chords, continuously strumming throughout the song as reggie tells you what’s on his mind.
It opens with the lines, “Sometimes I feel good in my chest, but I can never get that to my head. Sometimes I feel good in my bed, get up and I don’t feel good no more,” to express a sentiment we can all relate to. The idea that this feeling of “goodness” has a fleeting existence in us all prevails throughout this entire track.
reggie expands on these feelings of wanting to give up, explaining how he wants to exchange his life of overwhelming feeling for one that yields nothing but a cold numbness.
The lines, “The streets said you don’t need meds, my momma said you just need prayer, I need what they give you at the dentist, I don’t wanna feel no more,” demonstrate the notion of outsiders looking in, outsiders thinking they understand what’s happening on the inside. People often need help, and even desire it, when going through these types of feelings, but even so, sometimes others will never fully grasp their inner struggles.
Now, I know up to this point it may be hard to see how any of this can be spun in a positive light. Most of the song touches on loneliness, addiction, and depression—not the happiest subjects.
But the feeling of optimism arises from reggie putting these words into the world. The hardest part for most people that find themselves in a situation of pain, confusion, or loneliness is facing the truth and owning up to what’s happening. Being able to openly speak about your shortcomings, your issues, and your vices is the first step to conquering all of these evils.
My favorite line in the song goes, “No more mirrors that will be my demise because I still can’t look my abuser in his eyes.” It expresses a self-explanatory metaphor that the real abuser, the one who often inflicts the most pain on us, is ourselves.
After hearing this song for the first time, I proceeded to listen three more times before moving on to the next track—but still, I couldn't separate myself from the lyrics I just heard. The airiness of reggie’s voice paired with the subject matter creates an interesting mix of emotions inside of me. Emotions of sadness and emptiness are paired with comfort and familiarity. I credit this song with helping me out of my funk. For allowing me to realize that I am not as alone as I feel I am sometimes. That we are all more similar than we know.
These struggles in life are unavoidable. The moments of sadness, depression, and anxiety will always hover around. But being able to recognize and address these feelings transforms the low moments into teachable experiences. We’re all imperfect, and we’re never going to feel our best at all times. But the ability to push through despite our fragility creates passionate moments. Moments that mold us and allow us to look back and see the progress made. In the end, these moments build a story perfectly encapsulating the beauty of the human experience.